Tidbits

Remember: the only cure for an ebola victim is a head shot.

Or was that zombies?

Probably wise to treat them the same way.

Tidbits

"You know, I wonder if she likes me."

"Why, dude?"

"Well, she just sent me a topless selfie."

"Whoa, dude!"

"Yeah, I know. So difficult to tell, right?"

"...Dude."

Tidbits

Random neighborhood kid: You look like Harry Potter.

Me: I do?

Kid: Yeah, as an adult. Your hair and your glasses.

Me: Well, there was worse things than being compared to Daniel Radcliffe.

Tidbits

"He's smoked marijuana so long he remembers when dime bags actually cost a dime."