2010's In a Line

The 2010's in a phrase:

"My bae isn't a ratchet beta cuck. Their swagger is on fleek! YOLO!"

Tidbits

"You should keep the receipt in case you need to return it."

"Why would I need to return an orange?"

"Well, what if you open it up and there's just clockwork inside?"

Merry Christmas

A Johnny Cash Christmas:

I shot a man from Tennessee just to eat his homemade pumpkin pie.

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If someone tells you to enjoy your work less, ignore them.

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"Wouldn't be great if we used equity instead of equality?"

"Sure. I just loved how that worked out in Animal Farm, Napoleon."

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Orchids are Pokemon for old people.

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Marxism is the ideology for pseudo-intellectuals who think everything would be so much better if they were in charge. Really all they want is a legal means to eliminate anyone who makes then feel small.

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That feeling when you're about to start plunging a toilet when it decides to magically unclog itself and flush.

Mood Music 33

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On my list of pet peeves: people who have read nothing but John Rawls and think that makes them a political philosophy expert. Ran into these types at Yale and Columbia; I react to them the same way Will Hunting did when confronting that blowhard about American history.

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What they say: "We want a $15 minimum wage!"

What they mean: "We welcome and support our new robot overlords!"

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"I remain friends with you out of respect for the man of principles you used to be and from pity for the wasted husk of moral relativism you are now."

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Archway Frosted Lemon Cookies are arguably my favorite cookies. I like many cookies, but they're the ones I will actually get cravings for at night come snack time.

Mood Music 32

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The Disney Illuminatus Trilogy:

"Can You Fnord the Love Tonight?"
"A Whole New Fnord"
"You've Got a Fnord in Me"

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Math in action: desert cup layout. Goal is to fit as many round desert cups on a tray as possible. I got to do this problem while working food service.

Previous person had made a 3x3 grid, 9 total, with the cups were next to each other. It was very inefficient. By staggering the cups, I was able to do 4 rows of 4, nearly double the capacity. According to the guy in charge I was the first one to think of that. That's both a personal ego boost and kind of depressing since it's so obvious.

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You've got some banning "climate change" and others banning "pork." So let's all talk about how pigs are the true cause of global warming and tick off both censors.

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I love it when the quest giver sends the party to explore something dangerous and, while not sabotaging their chances, is pretty sure they're going to die. And makes that clear in the dialogue through little slips. Mad scientists work best for it.

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"Be ashamed of your science, your consumption, and your quality of life! Fear them, resent them, cast them away and live as a primitive!"

"No."

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When I GM games people compare me a lot to Markiplier. I even find that people like to just watch me run games without playing. At some point, I need to figure out how to record and run table-top sessions over YouTube or do them as a type of performance art. It'd be an interesting thing to be known for.

Tidbits

That feeling when you are a) one of two con staff left on the floor (and therefore wielding immense power) and b) the only sober staffer anywhere in the building (and therefore the only one making good decisions).

It's a feeling that is very familiar to me. And not a bad one.

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"Have you you seen the Fast and Furious movies?"

"I've seen them all. And by that I mean the first one."

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"You are easy to replace."

"No, you're just too short sighted to understand what I bring to the table."

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GMing tip: the more fun you put into the game through your own storytelling, the more fun you'll receive from your players.

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Does regular chocolate tell white chocolate to check its privilege?

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A new grammatical horror:

Their're.

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That feeling when someone accuses you of only using sound bites - when their own argument is nothing but political propaganda.

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Better to let a few madmen run free than to enslave an entire nation. When you sacrifice everything to lock away evil, you make it your jailer.

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Cosplay concept: Dr. Horrible with Zombie Penny, the result of a failed attempt to resurrect her.

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I would never waste my time stealing the ideas if others. I have too many of my own to get out there.

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When some people declare, "I quit because it's not fun anymore," I tend to be thinking, "Now we're getting to the good part!"

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Ringling Bros. won't be using elephants anymore. In other news, coming soon: limited edition PT Barnum memorabilia - made from genuine ivory!

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"I love you. Get in the van."

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What if Tomoko Kuroki (WataMote) was in Itoshiki Nozomu's (Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei) class?

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When in doubt, do the thing.

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I like a thesaurus more than a dictionary. They remind me of words I may have forgotten.

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What's Oliver Queen's favorite dress shirt brand?

Arrow.

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Why did the marble statues file for divorce?

They were taking each other for granite.

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Guy: This job is boring.

Me: Why?

Guy: There's a lot of standing around doing nothing.

Me: You mean there are long stretches where I can just stare off and think? Sounds great!

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Undocumented feature in Harry Potter: if the Sorting Hat can't place you into a single faction, it kills you for being divergent.

Mood Music 31

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Had a woman the other day use the word "ratchet" unironically to mean "low brow" while simultaneously expressing an interest on dying her hair an even lighter shade of blonde. A walking punchline.

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Flashback to my childhood: I put erasers between my middle and ring finger to train them to do the Vulcan greeting. Took me a few weeks but I got it.

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Why do I like steampunk?

Because I'm all about that brass.

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Nature is not inherently superior to the creations of man. Nor is it inherently inferior. Each comparison must be weighed on a case-by-case basis for its risk-benefit.

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"A man once tried to provoke me into fighting him so he could demonstrate his masculinity to an audience. I told him if he was truly interested in experiencing violence by my hands, I would gladly kill him once his back was turned and his guard lowered. He tacitly declined my offer and left."

Mood Music 30

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It's about card game journalism ethics on motorcycles!

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The music for the Sailor Moon Musicals (Seramyu) is so wonderfully dramatic and inspiring. Every song, except for the comedy bits, drips conflict, emotion, and declarations of intent. I wish the anime had matched that kind of intensity.

Ash Wednesday

"What are you giving up for Lent?"

"Object permanence."

"What? How does that work?"

"Whoa! Did you see that? I blinked and suddenly everything materialized out if nothing! Whoa! It happened again!"

Tidbits

The Illuminatus Trilogy last night reads like Kurt Vonnegut.

...If Kurt Vonnegut was ADHD and popped shrooms like candy.

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"In the age of pop-up ads and spam, we should know that 'free' means 'trap.' The more attractive the offer, the more strings are attached."

Mood Music 29

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That moment when you're thinking of story ideas and a random scene you thought of a decade ago and never used comes to mind.

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What if Will Smith in Fresh Prince was killed in the fight and the cab that picked him up - Fresh - was the angel taking his soul to heaven, aka Bel Aire?

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You know how robots could beat us all in a war? Have foot soldiers that fall into the uncanny valley. We'd run away from that FAST.

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What if the state is just a collective bargaining tool to negotiate with other states?

Mood Music 28

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"It's only bad when the other guy does it" is probably the most commonly used self-justification for rationalizing unjust acts.

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Turns out "incented" is more proper to use than "incentivized."

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Which DC supervillain hates NSA wiretapping the most?

The Anti-Monitor.