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New lawn care manual: Fifty Shades of Grass.

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I have friends. I am loved. I am capable of making new friends.

I forget this too often, I think.

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That fear that because you made a couple errors everyone hates you now.

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The magnitude of my loneliness grows with age. I'm a Doctor without a Companion. It's about as awful as you think.

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Has anyone done a Weird Al tribute band? I feel like there should be one.

It would exist specifically to parody other tribute bands.

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"New England is naturally beautiful because of the lack of jobs."

Unemployment is beautiful everyone. (Someone seriously said this in a conversation.)

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Crunchy cookies are the well done steak of the snack world.

YOU RUINED IT.

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Crossover idea:

High School of the Walking Dead

It'll print money!

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The primary regulators of business? Other businesses. Both from competition and from suppliers.

The more the government interferes with this regulation, the more it unbalances the economy and rigs the game.

Happy Halloween

On Halloween candy growing up: I always saved mine, like a dragon hording gold. I'd eat a few pieces at a time, but never large quantities. I'd usually have candy from last Halloween left come the next Halloween, which only made my stockpile larger. This wasn't because I didn't have much: my dad and I developed an efficient house hunting algorithm every year around town that got me a very full bag. It was simply that on the matter of "having your cake or eating it," I chose to have more than eat.

The idea of Halloween candy all being gone in a few days has always puzzled me, because it was so incongruous with what my behavior was as a kid. It wasn't until I got older that I realized what I did wasn't typical.

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I remember when I tried Red Bull for the first time.

It was all right once the shaking stopped.

(Seriously, though, it's disgusting. Effective, but disgusting. I am so glad I've avoided it.)

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They tried to bury the mecha fans.

They didn't know they were Gundam SEED's.

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"Of course not all Asians are good at math. Why do you think some of us vote Democrat?"

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Odd quirk of mine: grocery shopping concludes more enjoyably when I get to pack my own groceries at the checkout.

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Geek stuff is favor right now. Yay.

I dread when the pendulum goes back the other way, though.

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Two shows that need to cross over:

Seitokai Yakuindomo
Shimoneta

The humor would be amazing.

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The "God Only Knows" opening trio remains my favorite set of anime openings. 25 minutes of amazing vocals and instrumentals.

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One Smash Bros guy: "I don't want to be that guy, but..."

Another one, after he leaves: "Don't worry, he is that guy and we all know it. Ignore him."

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I'm using "awesome" a bit too much lately.

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Coffee in the morning prevents mourning in the afternoon.

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Russian roulette with a trebuchet.

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It's fun when someone challenges your expertise on something - and you have a degree in it. Buuuuurn.

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The benefit of being Chinese is I can eat tofu now and then without being a hipster.

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Co-worker: This Ramen menu looks great. Sorry if I mispronounce the words.

Me: Don't worry, it's just Japanese. It's a simple language for a simple minded people.

*Shots fired*

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My anxiety toward people is less about the actual interaction part (I tend not to be shy) and more "What are they REALLY thinking about me?"

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"I'm a comedian who specializes in social justice."

"What's the punchline?"

"Social justice!"

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If someone is hurt and incorrectly assigns blame for that pain to you, you are very much allowed to point out their error.

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"Look what I got!" *Pulls out snack*

"But I'm allergic to that."

"I didn't get it for you." *munch munch*

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Life could be worse. Life could be better. I just need to keep moving forward so I can catch the upswing.

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"Welcome to Austin! Where in Texas were you born?"

"Oh, I was born in New York."

"Ah, so you're a foreigner."

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Too much music mistakes being memetic with being good.

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Writing prompt: "They have to be large to appear so small."

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Houston doesn't have roads so much as temporarily patched potholes.

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"Bernie Sanders. Right behind you."

That needs to be a meme. A creepy pasta meme.

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Memesplaining: When someone is so stupid you use Internet memes (the danker the better) to communicate basic concepts they're ignorant of.

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In Once Upon a Time, what is Regina's favorite vegetable?

Artichoke heart.

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Bacon is lettuce the way nature intended.

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Everyone's debating "boobs vs butts" and I'm over here going, "But what about glasses?"

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Who will build the roads?

In Houston, the answer is "nobody."

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There's a meme claiming that "of the people, by the people, for the people" was stated by the Founding Fathers. Good lord how badly did the person who made that meme fail American history class? Lincoln was NOT a Founding Father.

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Bobby Fischer on the streets.

Boris Spassky in the sheets.

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Dance off battle we need to see:

Mettaton EX vs. Aikuro Mikisugi

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The Wicked Witch of the West took one look at Puppymonkeybaby and was all "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOT TOUCHING THIS."

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I like the instrumentals for Viva La Vida (Coldplay). I'm a sucker for broad sweeping sounds. I just wish someone who could actually sing would perform the lyrics.

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What is both eaten and had simultaneously?

Schrodinger's Cake.

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"Democratic Socialism is inevitable!"

"Well, the collapse of civilization does seem to be drawing near."

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"Political correctness is the conscious, designed manipulation of language intended to change the way people speak, write, think, feel, and act, in furtherance of an agenda. PC is best understood as propaganda, which is how I suggest we approach it." - Jeff Deist

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Over exaggeration seems to be the only way for me to emote. Otherwise I feel like I'm under expressing.

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Crazy idea: do a parody of the Major's "War speech" from Hellsing, but with the opening line:

"Gentlemen, I love science..."

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2016 flashback:

"Bernie Sanders speaks from the heart!"

"So does my drunk uncle. That doesn't mean he ought to be president!"

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I wonder if there's a course anime mad scientists take when getting their degrees to learn how to do the "glowing glasses and smile" look.

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"Man, why do Stephen King movies tend to suck?"

"Maybe it's the source material?"

"...NO."

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"I object to all this sex on the television. I keep falling off." - Monty Python

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The Founding Fathers didn't foresee the Internet, but the First Amendment still applies to it.