Love, Humorized

As a writer, I am always open to mining my rather hapless love life for material. Each scene involves a different person. I have exaggerated for the sake of humor.

Scene 1:

Me: Wow! We get along great. We need to spend more time together.

Her: Yes! Definitely!

Much cuddling ensues. Then a departure. Time passes...

Me: Hey, when do you want to meet again?

Her: *silence*

Time passes...

Me: Hey there. How are you?

Her: *silence*

Time passes...

Me: Are you okay?

Her: *silence*

Time passes...

Her: Hey everyone, sorry I was out. I'm back now!

Me: Hey! Glad you're better. Want to hang out?

Her: *silence*

Me: Okay, then.

Scene 2:

Me: Hey, want to go on a date to this place?

Her: Sure, that place sounds awesome!

The date approaches...

Me: Hey, we still on?

Her: *silence*

Me: Oh.

Time passes...

Me: Hey, I know something came up before, but want to go on a date to this other place?

Her: Sure! You're awesome. Thanks!

The date approaches...

Me: Hey, we still on?

Her: *silence*

Me: Oh.

Time passes. This process repeats 3-4 more times. Finally...

Me: Guess she didn't like me after all.

Time passes...

Me: So how have things been?

Her: Great! I'm in a relationship with this guy I've known a while. We've been going out on dates a lot!

Me: Oh. Well, good for you. When did it start?

Her: *gives a date some time after the earlier date requests*

Me: ...Wonderful.

Scene 3:

Me: So did you want to try absinthe?

Her: Oh, I am. I already bought some for the party next week.

Me: Ah, so we can try it there?

Her: You're not invited.

Me: Huh?

Her: I'm going with this other guy. Going to kiss him instead.

Me: I see. So he's a better match for you, then?

Her: No, he's using me as a rebound. I give it a month before he dumps me.

Me: ...Okay. Have fun.

Time passes...

Me: So are you still with that guy you dumped me for?

Her: Nope, it lasted 2 weeks.

Me: So you're single now?

Her: Nope, back with my old Korean boyfriend. I threatened to kill myself and he got back with me.

Me: What a lovely ending to that story...

Scene 4:

Me: So you're a pansexual polyamarous female currently in a relationship with about 5 other people of various genders?

Her: Yes.

Me: But you're listed as single and straight on Facebook.

Her: So? I also hate cuddling.

Me: Okay, we're done here.

Scene 5:

Me: Science?

Her: Science!

Me: SCIENCE!

Her: SCIENCE!

Me: We should date.

Her: Sorry, I'm more interested in a career.

Me: Phooey.

Scene 6:

Her: You're doing that wrong.

Me: Okay.

Her: You're doing THAT wrong.

Me: ...Okay.

Her: You're doing those things wrong!

Me: Sigh.

Her: You're doing that in a weird way.

Me: Could you please stop saying I'm doing things wrong?

Her: Stop judging me!